It’s probably not fair to truly compare these students while teaching them during the summer, considering none of them has gushed feelings of loving spending time in a classroom when they thought they would be on break. However, I know some of my students are holding themselves back from making great progress in this little amount of time. The attitudes they bring to class, for some of them it’s the thought that they don’t really need to be there, and for others it’s the thought that they would just rather be anywhere else, has been affecting their engagement and success.

I believe it’s my job as the teacher to find ways to motivate the students, but this has been a struggle for me in such a short amount of time. It’s disappointing and simply irritating to try to teach a lesson  while not getting effort or participation from the receiving end. I need to get to know my students more to find out what it will take to motivate them and what it will take to have them come to class, or at least sit in class, with a positive attitude.

Sometimes getting to know them opens up a world that sheds a new light on a student and explains those attitudes. Just in the past week, through talks of weekend plans and 4th of July celebrations, I learned while some kids had bottle rocket wars, others spent more quiet time. One student shared with me that she couldn’t do much because she needed to be at home with her dad who has cancer. As much as I tried to be understanding and comforting, it was interesting to see the reactions of other students to such somber news. None made any comments or asked questions, and most looked unsure of how to look or what to say next. It was a general discomfort. Days earlier a student shared news of her mother’s cancer, though she was telling me about her mother’s survival. She was so proud and excited to talk about this heavy family event, so much strong emotion and crisis for a 7th grader to handle.

I’m reminded of my own emotional baggage I carry into the classroom — sometimes it’s just stress and sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with class. As an adult, it’s challenging but you learn to check your emotions and mindset at the door so that you get your job done. I’m not always great at this, but at least I’m aware. Maybe this is a solution for some of my students. Maybe they just have never been taught and haven’t learned how to deal with some of their realities, and life at school seems insignificant. I’ve learned that many, probably most, of my students have jobs, serious jobs. They have responsibilities outside of school that are just as demanding.

Perhaps with continued patience and more understanding, I can give a little more and receive a little more, because I know they’re capable, as am I, of so much more.

Mostly, they’ve taught me the importance of the clarity of a lesson. While teaching a skill, I look to student faces for ‘aha’ moments or some sort of grasp of understanding. While middle school math makes sense to me, I’ve found myself realizing I’ve skipped a few steps in a process out of habit. It’s been a challenge to dig deep into the skills to find the most simplest way to get my point across.

My most exciting moments have been watching a student go from complete frustration and desperation to smiling at themselves and being able to say, “I really think I’m getting this.” I want nothing more than to scream and shout and jump up and down when this happens. Sometimes I do — some of these kids need a personal cheerleader.

The summer and their academic status in math became very real for the students at the end of the first week when progress reports were sent home. I heard one young lady say she was proud of herself. Then there was one young man who saw his 32 % score on the math diagnostic assessment. He looked defeated yet confused, saying, “That’s bad, right?.” It was in that very moment that the summer also became very real for me. I had only known these kids for four days, but seeing their reactions to successes and setbacks exposed them in a very raw light.

The biggest challenge I’ve had is battling the gap that glares back at me during the middle or even start of a lesson. Some of the students look at me and ask why we’re learning such easy stuff, while others stare back puzzled. I’m constantly pulled in different directions trying to differentiate. It angers me that some of the students are struggling to learn some of the pre-algebra concepts because they can barely add two numbers, with a sum less than 10, on their fingers.

And in those moments I’m reminded of why I chose to do this for the summer. When I look at these kids, halfway through their education careers, I see years of confusion and frustration piled up. Those skills left unmastered have cumulated and will continue to cumulate until somebody does something about it. I believe they’re now in a school where their educators care deeply about their futures and can motivate them and help them move forward, hoping to make up for lost time. But for me, I see why it’s more important than ever to get my 5 and 6 year olds completely solid in their foundational skills. Why it will be crucial for them to move beyond those minimal benchmarks and strive for high expectations. It would be heartbreaking to fast-forward seven or eight years and find them in a setting where they’re struggling to make it grade to grade. But it’s not about my empathy or hurt at all. It’s about these kids, and it’s just not fair to them.

After a year of teaching kindergarten, the thought of standing in front of middle schoolers filled me with anxiety this morning. It was the first day of summer school for both these students and me. I was unsure if I would be able to communicate effectively or personably with students who stood taller than 4 feet.

As I anticipated, the dozens of seventh and eighth grade students who sat in my classroom weren’t as thrilled for their first day of summer school math as my 17 kindergarten students were last fall. Apparently sitting in class wasn’t at the top of their summer break list.

However, responses from a survey I gave today tell me that these kids understand their need to be in class this summer. When asked what they hope to get out of these quick 4 weeks, several students wrote about wanting to have a better understanding of math. The majority of students expressed wishes to be able to pass to the next grade. One student wrote about how academically behind she is, and that she hopes this summer will lead to a better GPA next year.

The pressure of academic gains weighs on me as I begin to grade diagnostic assessments. I have four weeks to help these students possibly move forward a grade — to help them play catch-up in various skills so that they can stay on track in their academic career.

Looking back on the day, I see my biggest challenge as making math relevant to these kids — a relevancy that they can see as immediately applicable to their 7th- and 8th-grade lives. Not only will this help them understand the content, but maybe it will motivate them and keep them *almost* as engaged in lessons as my 5 and 6 year olds. Perhaps a few of them could even find a new love or appreciation for math? For whatever stretch of the imagination that might be, I would settle for a summer of active participation, genuine curiosity, and well-deserved passing grades.

The week’s end will reveal a better sense of what’s to come. Until then, here’s to another early morning tomorrow — but this time a morning replaced with a serving of confidence.